How Liberals View Things

I was inspired by John Hawkins's "How to Speak Liberal" post over at rightwingnews to take a look at how a liberal views things in society as a whole vs. how a conservative views things.

Here are a few examples:

The News: CNN or the Alphabet networks, or if you're in the car, National Public Radio. On the net, cnn.com or Yahoo or MSN. These people tell you the news. You can tell it's really real news because they all report on it the same way and from the same perspective. MSNBC is also news but with a bit more opinion thrown in. Fox News is not news at all because they report on things the others don't, and from a different perspective.

Lies: Something that is different from what I believe or what I think I know to be true. If I see something on the News, I know that's true. When I see something on Fox, I know it's a lie because it's different from what I saw on the News. If I read The Huffington Post or The Daily Kos, I know they're telling the truth because they say the same things and from the same perspective as the News, so it must be true. Other truth-tellers out there are Jon Stewart, Michael Moore, Bill Maher and any Hollywood actor who gets political, because they say the same things too. Other sites like townhall.com, American Thinker, the BIG websites, etc. and Hollywood has-beens like Jon Voight, Kelsey Grammer or Dennis Miller are liars.

Racist: Someone who is against Barack Obama, or the Democrats in general. After all, Americans have always embraced higher taxes, socialism, Big Government, universal health care that you cannot opt out of, stricter gun control, etc. But elect a black president and suddenly all of those core American values go out the window, all because of evil racists on the Right.

Extremism: Right-wing philosophy of any sort. Some examples of extremism include, but are not limited to: keeping marriage defined as the union of a man and a woman (regardless of whether or not they're okay with civil unions for others), belief in God (unless it's Allah), a wish to be allowed to own a gun for personal protection, exhibiting skepticism, based on a lack of hard evidence or conflicting evidence, about global warming, believing in lower taxes and unobtrusive government, cherishing civil liberty for everyone, not just themselves and their friends, and teaching children about sexual responsibility while questioning the wisdom of handing out condoms to children after teaching them just the mechanics of sex. Some non-extremist positions include: changing the definition of marriage to whatever we want it to mean, refusing to believe in any sort of higher power, and ridiculing those who do, outlawing guns (because if they're outlawed, nobody will ever be able to get one), believing wholesale in global warming while denying any conflicting evidence exists, and calling skeptics "deniars" just like Fundamentalists do to atheists, wanting to raise taxes on "the rich" while having government decide our lives for us, cherishing our own civil liberties while wanting to limit those liberties for anyone who doesn't agree with us, and teaching children all about sex, how to be good at it, handing them condoms, and then sort of muttering "butwaituntilyoureolder" somewhere toward the end of your lesson.

The Rich: Greedy, selfish corporations who made all their money on the backs of the poor. None of them got where they are honestly, and all of them keep the poor downtrodden by outsourcing all their jobs overseas. They should be taxed higher and higher, because the fact that they keep hoarding all their money and not letting anyone else have it is entirely the reason why poverty exists and why the US is in debt. We should force them to give us all their money. Then there will be no rich, and everybody will be poor..and we'll all be...happier...

Religion: Something only weak-minded, non-modernized people engage in. Basically, they're stupid enough to believe in the invisible sky fairy, but not open-minded enough to believe in the unquestionable reality that unless we stop using light bulbs and cars, the earth is going to become a frozen, arrid, flooded, dryed-out ocean waste land. We tolerant liberals should mock and degrade them for their beliefs, because in a free society where everyone can do as they like, there is no room for religion. Besides, religion is restrictive, and doesn't let everybody do what they want. Oh, I almost forgot; this entire paragraph does not apply if the religion in question is Islam, Buddhism, Zen, Taoism, Wicca or...well, any religion except Christianity, Catholicism, Mormonism, Jehovah's Witness or Judaism.

Science: Something that is always right. As long as it continues to affirm global warming and deny creationism.