Typical Debate Between Conservatives and Liberals

Conservative: President Obama's first term is already looking like a disaster. He's soft on terrorism. His stimulus bill is proposing more spending than all his predecessors combined, and is only going to make a bad economy worse. Now he's talking about closing Gitmo and setting all those admitted terrorists free! For that matter, no government should be so powerful that they can demand the resignation of GM's CEO, or any other company's CEO for that matter.

Liberal: You've got to be kidding me! You're such a racist. You just can't stand the fact that a black man is president.

Conservative: It's got nothing to do with his race. We're talking about a man who proposed revoking veterans' health care. These men fought for our country; fought to protect the very freedom you're now enjoying, including the freedom to badmouth them, and the former presidential administration. And the thanks these men and women get for laying their lives on the line is having their constitutionally-provided free health care revoked?

Liberal: Man, the more you open your mouth the stupider you sound. If you love those baby-killing soldiers so much, you should go be one. Otherwise, shut your stupid mouth.

Conservative: It's funny that you call the soldiers who protect you "baby-killers". Isn't your party the one that advocates killing babies, even the ones who have already reached nine months, and are on their way out? For that matter, didn't your president vote AGAINST a bill that would protect the lives of living, already-born babies who survived an abortion attempt? Didn't he vote against this bill THREE TIMES? So who's the real baby-killer?

Liberal: God, you're such an idiot! And apparently you don't support a woman's right to choose! An idiot and a sexist!

Conservative: Umm...this isn't about a woman's right to choose. We're talking about living babies, here. Babies that have been born. Babies that nobody disputes are alive.

Liberal: Can you believe this guy?

Conservative: And let's not get started on the hypocrisy in the media.

Liberal: Oh, no, let's. You call it hypocrisy, whereas I say the media is just being honest about what a scumbag George W. Bush was, and what a great guy Obama is.

Conservative: So, wait, wait. Bush had a drinking problem that was beaten for decades, and that meant that he would be a bad president because his brain was addled by drink. Meanwhile, Obama smoked pot and did cocaine while in college, but apparently that doesn't affect him at all. I'm not saying that Obama's drug habits make him a bad leader, but if Bush's decades-old problem is still relevant, why ISN'T Obama's?

Liberal: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Obama rules!

Conservative: And that doesn't even address the fact that the media were practically falling all over themselves to discredit Bush before he even took office. They even blamed 9/11 on him. But they couldn't say enough good things about Obama, despite his proven associations with a racist pastor and an unrepentant domestic terrorist. If Bush had kept company like that, his career would be over. But Obama is allowed to do almost anything.

Liberal: Man, I don't even know why I'm talking to you. You're so stupid it's making my head hurt. Why don't you go suck off Rush Limbaugh, or something.

Conservative: See, now, it's funny that you say that, because liberals are supposed to be the gay-friendly party, and yet the main people I see using gay stereotypes to slander others are liberals! If you were really so gay-friendly, if I were in a gay relationship you should be happy for me!

Liberal: So you admit you're a queer! Figures. Most homophobes are closet queers.

Conservative: Erm...I'm not gay, I was just pointing out your hypocrisy. I'm also not a homophobe, and I think it's very hateful of you to say that most homophobes are closet queers.

Liberal: Pssh! Come on!

Conservative: Pssh, come on? That's not even an argument. All you're doing is hoping to make me look stupid for questioning liberalism. You're not even backing up your statements with any facts.

Liberal: I don't have to make you look stupid. You ARE stupid! Anybody who's still a conservative in this day and age is stupid. Not to mention hateful, bigoted, racist, sexist, homophobic and probably a rich, white guy.

Conservative: What about Michael Steel? He's black.

Liberal: He doesn't count. He obviously hates his race, or he would be democrat. Republicans don't care about black people, so anybody who sides with Republicans is either racist, or self-hating blacks.

Conservative: What? Who says we don't care about black people? We care about everybody equally. We want true equality, in the sense that black people can stand right beside white people and nobody notices they're of two different colors. That's what Dr. Martin Luther King fought for, but unfortunately there are too many guilty whites and racist blacks still around for true equality to happen. Someday race will truly be no issue at all. That's what we're fighting for.

Liberal: I heard all kinds of race-baiting code words in there. You really must hate black people. Hater!