What You Have to Believe to be a Modern-Day Leftist

While most public schools teach kids about sex by stressing condom use, birth control and the mechanics of sex, the fact that teen pregnancy and the spread of STD's is on the rise can be linked directly to the fact that some politicians favor abstinence-only education.

It is insensitive to the rights of Muslims to object to their building of a Mosque anywhere they want. It is not insensitive for Muslims to want to build a giant Mosque less than two blocks from the site where their people massacred thousands of Americans.

Black men and women should not be defined by skin color, but it is important that they talk, dress, think and vote alike. Otherwise they are not "true" black people, but instead are "self-loathing Uncle Toms."

A white police officer asking a black man seen attempting to force a door open to produce ID is racist. A black man saying it's time to "kill some cracker babies" is not.

Showing an admiration for the female form is sexist. Calling a right-wing female politican a "slutty flight attendant" for no particular reason is not.

Protesting a right-wing president's policies is patriotism. Protesting a left-wing policitian's policies is domestic terrorism.

There is no such thing as evil. Right-wingers are evil.

Sharia Law permits, and in fact encourages, the murder of infidels, apostates and women who talk back to their husband. Islamic jihadists have committed cold-blooded murder in the name of Allah on American soil three times within the past decade, along with several unsuccessful attempts. With that in mind, Islam is a religion of peace.

The solution to welfare having created a generation of dead-beat parents who refuse to work and don't provide for their kids is more welfare.

A white prisoner is a criminal. A black prisoner is a victim.

In light of the fact that there is statistically less crime in areas where private citizens can carry guns in public, the solution to lowering crime in crime-ridden areas such as New York, Chicago and Los Angeles is stricter gun control.

The fact that there are more black single-parent families than white is due to racism.

Despite the fact that cities where homelessness is at its worst (such as Baltimore, Detroit and Chicago) have been run by Democrats for the past several decades, homelessness is the fault of evil, greedy Republicans.

You would have to be a crazy, stupid idiot to believe that Obama was not born in the USA, despite the existence of a Kenyan birth certificate, a sign on the town he grew up in proclaiming itself his "birthplace" and the lack of a hard copy of a real Hawaiian birth certificate. However, 9/11 was unquestionably an inside job.

Bush is an idiot because he used words like "nucular." Obama is not an idiot for thinking America has more than 57 states.

Bush was to blame for a hurricane that wiped out an entire city that occurred during his presidency. He is apparently also to blame for an oil spill that happened nearly two years after his presidency.

In a world where Radical Islamists have flown planes into buildings, shot up American Army bases while shouting "Allahu ackbar", have attempted to suicide-bomb other airplanes and have left car-bombs in Times Square, the real danger is from Tea Partiers.

Martin Luther King's dream of black children and white children holding hands means that he saw white people as the enemy.

The fact that the American Right are pro-MLK makes them racist.

Celebrating diversity creates unity.

Global warming is unquestionably real despite a lack of confirmed evidence but Christians are silly for believing in God.

Statistics matter only when they make Democrats look good. The fact that only 35% of Americans consider themselves "liberal" is unimportant. The fact that only 12% were in favor of gay marriage is unimportant. The fact that Obama's approval rating is at 45% and dropping is unimportant.

Obama is a genius despite the fact that he can barely deliver a coherent answer to a question without a teleprompter telling him what to say. Sarah Palin is supposedly an idiot because she wrote four words on her hand to deliver an hour-long speech with no other notes.

The Tea Partiers would have no problem with America's slide into socialism if the Democrats had elected Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid instead.